CONTROL
“When you can’t control what’s happening,
challenge yourself to
control how you respond
to what’s happening.
That’s where your power is.
-Unknown
If only it was that easy...
We certainly can not control the weather and it may derail some plans. In New Zealand Thunderstorms rage and in Europe it is dangerously hot in the South and chillingly cold in the North despite summer time.
I hope you are all safe and find it in you to respond to what’s happening with curiosity, courage and kindness. Who knows what is good and what is bad?
Whilst I am often geographically removed from people who are dear to me, my time in Europe has been worth the effort even after 5 days. Being able to see friends and spend time with them is a true blessing. No matter the cold and wind, train delays or traffic jams, we savoured every moment. I even jumped in the coldest local bodies of water - lakes in Hamburg and Hannover and the East Sea - much colder in summer than the Pacific in winter… It was awesome.
I am grateful for what is!
But back to the topic of control:
Someone cuts in front of your car. You get a fright and might shout expletives.
You have chosen the slowest queue in the supermarket - again. You get upset and restless and your mood turns sour.
You feel this icky sensation coming up from your gut when you are nervous or upset about something - or even without a reason. You get angry with yourself for feeling that way.
All those are examples of habitual reactions - rather than conscious responses. They happen when we do not focus on what is within our control.
Some of those habitual reactions go as quickly as they came - they do not bother you anymore.
Others linger longer or even affect how you act in that particular situation, e.g., when making a wrong pass at a game, getting upset about it, and consequently making more mistakes because of your upset state of mind.
What else could we do?
How can we train ourselves to act differently from a habitual reaction that is not serving us?
Well, like with everything - with practice.
Take the icky feeling coming up from your gut when things do not go your way. Your first response is to fight it, which usually makes it stronger. Then to be upset about it, which may make it even stronger. Lastly, to be upset with yourself for being this way...
What a perpetual loop to be in... Want out?
An alternative way is to recognise the pattern and break the habit the moment you notice the icky feeling coming up. Instead of going on the fear-driven "fight-flight-freeze" path, choose the "rest-digest-repair" path of love, by activating your parasympathetic nervous system.
The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) controls bodily functions when a person is at rest. Some of its activities include stimulating digestion, activating metabolism, and helping the body relax. Its counterpart, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), tells the body to get ready for physical and mental activity, especially when danger is lurking - made for those quick bursts of danger - not a 24/7 scenario... It causes the heart to beat harder and faster and opens the airways for easy breathing. It also temporarily stops digestion so the body can focus on fast action. Imagine that happening over an extended period of time. And yet- that is exactly what many 21st century humans are experiencing.
Not feeling in control is one of the biggest stressors we encounter.
So what shall we do when we feel "out of control"?
To have your body re-booting to normal function, we first of all need to switch from SNS to PNS.
We want to move from fear to safety.
The first step is to NOTICE what the situation is and what you think and feel about it.
Then NAME the situation - which creates emotional distance
Then be KIND to yourself; maybe remind yourself of a strength or personal trait you have that others admire about you, or you are proud of (there is SOMETHING - I promise! Ask a friend if you are in doubt.)
Observe with full attention your next three exhalations, to physiologically switch from SNS to PNS.
Explore which parts of the particular challenge you find yourself in are within your FULL CONTROL.
Create an action on that part of the challenge.
Notice how you feel
Now you have chosen a response that serves you.
What is the kindest thing you can say to yourself in this situation?
I have recorded a guided meditation on letting go and setting intent for you.
My invitation to you today:
Focus on actions you are in control of - practice letting go of uncontrollable worry
This is your time.
You are worth it.
With open curiosity about the uncontrollable aspects of traveling
Mel
