Self Talk
“It's not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life,
it's what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!”
― Robert T. Kiyosaki
Here we go - the 7th lever of Wellbeing according to the Prekure Mental Fitness Programme: Self-Talk.
What comes up for you when you read Kiyosaki's quote above?
Do you recall the notion of the last whisper (or shout) in your mind?
Was it encouraging you or putting you down?
Every disturbing emotion is preceded by a triggering negative thought.
We are listening to our self-talk all the time. Our brains are wired to minimize danger and to maximise reward - to keep us alive. The self-talk that sabotages us wants to hold us in our status quo. It pretends to protect us, but it hinders growth and progression - and thriving. Funnily enough, once we believe SOMETHING, it is hard to convince us otherwise - we will always find proof for the belief we already hold. If we think often "I am not good enough", we will find proof in everything we do....
Self-talk has several useful functions. It can help improve our performance—like an athlete using self-talk to psych themselves up. It can enhance our motivation when we tell ourselves with conviction to keep going. It can help us regulate our emotions when we use nurturing words to lower our fear. It can also help us solve problems when we try out alternative solutions to a problem in our head.
The clincher is to NOTICE our self-talk and to use it in our favour! That ain't easy.
One way of noticing is to reflect on the way we feel - and work backwards from there - what was the last thing we have been thinking about?
We can aim to identify which of our saboteur thoughts has spoken to us. Maybe even giving the saboteur a name to distance ourselves from it - Name it to tame it!
My saboteur used to creep up saying: "This is not good enough - you can do better." Resulting in me spending endless hours improving things that may have been completely fine without the extra effort. The original effort was already good enough. How long is a piece of string? To tie your shoelaces, it should not need to reach from top to toe. I missed out on playtime, and even when I eventually got to bed exhausted, I still had the niggling "I need to do more" thinking in my mind. It took the fun out of my life. I named my saboteur "Miss Killjoy". Once I called out her name - it created the space I needed to check if I really needed to do more or if my efforts were actually sufficient. I then used a positive affirmation like "I am good enough" or "I am deserving joy" and thought about what the next sensible thing to do would be. I also created a ritual of transition - tapping twice on my chest with my fist. This acted as a re-boot and helped me to move on to the next thing - and have some fun with it. Some people like to use a long exhale or simply remove themselves from the physical space they have been in. My saboteur years ago was a perfectionist and a pleaser, also avoiding conflict. Some people gear toward Hyper-Achieving or being Hyper Vigilant. All those traits are great when balanced - when overused, they have a detrimental impact on our wellbeing.
What is your your saboteur thinking?
How can you flip that one on its head and think yourself deservingly well?
What do you want to nurture in yourself more and how can you say that to yourself as a positive affirmation or mantra?
Use "I am...". or "I can..."
My invitation to you:
- When you are feeling down - notice the self-talk that was leading to it.
- Name the Saboteur.
- Offer your positive affirmation.
- Do a "re-boot action" that clears the space and plan your next action accordingly.
- What do you want to say to yourself now?
This is your time.
You are worth it
With a thought of joyful play
Mel
Sources and Inspirations:
